


our summer

by inflorencer



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Blow Jobs, Coming of Age, Consensual Underage Sex, Drunk Sex, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, M/M, Summer Vacation, Supernatural Elements, Underage Drinking, also yeonjun is sort of a psychic, and how could he not be amirite, but soobin is also in love with yeonjun, first kiss first time etc, guys im putting underage here bc of legal age in KOREA, just so you know, obviously this is a baby gay kind of story, so soobin and yeonjun are the bestest friends in the whole world, such a sensitive boy :(, thus you can expect a lot of firsts, well enjoy and expect a nooiiice ending bc that’s what you gon have i promise, yes they are the babiest gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:54:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22271386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inflorencer/pseuds/inflorencer
Summary: soobin and his best friend yeonjun go on an unusual summer adventure to honor yeonjun’s long-dead aunt’s final wish — and also enjoy the time they have together before soobin goes to college in seoul.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 20
Kudos: 144
Collections: tiny stories.





	1. blue

Yeonjun had always been the weirdest. Regardless of that, Soobin had always been his best friend. 

Although Yeonjun was the oldest, Soobin was always the one taking care of him. He was someone who could hardly focus on anything, and worse, he was always obsessing over something. His personality was really unique — so unique that not even his parents could stand him for too long. Yeonjun would often show up at Soobin’s house late at night because Mr. and Mrs. Choi had told him to go away and leave them alone. They were terrible parents, yes, but what could Soobin do? He was barely nineteen, the same as their son, and he also had issues with his own parents. Of course, they would never throw him out of the house for simply _existing_ , though the issues were still there. No family is perfect. 

On this particular day, Yeonjun and Soobin were studying for the final exams at the school library. Well, at least Soobin was studying, because Yeonjun, as always, seemed to have zoned out for the 500th time in the last hour. They were sitting right in front of each other, with the table and the books between them, thus Soobin could sense when Yeonjun was zoning out. This time, he had been gone for just too long. 

Soobin knew that this meant Yeonjun would start being weird — like, _really_ weird — at any second now. 

“Soobin-ah,” he said all of a sudden, not to the other’s surprise, “do you remember my aunt Haeun?”

“Sure I do, _hyung_ ”, Soobin answered, still trying to solve this nerve-wracking mathematical equation from one of the exercises. “You told me about her countless times. That she died during surgery way before you were born.”

“So, what do you think of abortion?”

“What?” He said, nervous, finally looking up. Not to his surprise again, Yeonjun’s face was deadly serious. “Weren’t we talking about your aunt? _Hyung_ , are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Yeonjun chuckled, “it’s just that… that’s the way she died. I found out yesterday.” 

“Really? She had… She had an abortion? And died from it?”

“Yes… Yes, she did. Turns out she got pregnant from this guy she had just met and… Well, my aunt decided to have an abortion, in secret. That’s why they always said she died during surgery…”

“Just not what type of surgery.” 

“Exactly. But what do you think of it? You never answered.” 

“ _Hyung_ , honestly…” Soobin stopped himself before someone else could listen. “How about we take a break and go to that café nearby? I’m kinda hungry and this equation is, like… impossible. Shall we?” 

He stood up from the chair right away, leaving Yeonjun speechless. This one, however, was as spontaneous as he was weird, so he didn’t really protest or anything of the sort. He just went along with his best friend, whom always knew best anyway. 

Soon they left the library, and then the school, and walked a few blocks until they reached the café. Going inside, Soobin pointed to the table he and Yeonjun would usually sit at, which was strategically in the _very_ corner of the establishment. Yeonjun went over there carrying both of their backpacks, while his best friend went to order their coffees. And pastries as well, since it was a tradition of theirs. 

“They said they’d bring it over here shortly”, Soobin spoke as soon as he approached the table. Yeonjun looked up at him with his usual puppy eyes, holding one of his notebooks. “Already? I thought we were taking a break.”

“Soobin-ah,” Yeonjun called him again in that same tone, “do you believe in God?”

He sighed. “ _Hyung_ , you know my parents are Christians, but… I don’t… I’m not sure. I believe in _something_ , I guess. Why?”

“Something… Could that something be… Could it be _destiny_?”

“I… I don’t know…”

“Soobin-ah, this can only be destiny.” Yeonjun held the notebook up. Soobin then noticed it was pink and had blue butterflies drawn all over it. “ _This_ is my aunt Haeun’s journal. I found it in my grandma’s house basement, can you believe it? And look at the date… the last date…” He flipped through the pages until he reached the last one. “December 5th, Soobin-ah. Your birthday.”

The other laughed. “My birthday? What does that mean? Me… your aunt…?”

“That we were meant to do this together! And don’t laugh!” Yeonjun scolded him. “Soobin-ah, don’t you see? Remember that my aunt was our age when she died? Everything is connected!” 

“Alright, so everything is connected,” Soobin sincerely tried to understand, “but why is it? What is the meaning behind all that?” 

“Grant her last wish, obviously. Not that she knew she was going to die, but… she wrote it here, about the talk she had with a friend the day before she went to the clandestine clinic. Not that the friend knew either. Neither about the abortion nor about her dying. The friend just… This girl just asked my aunt Haeun what she would do if she had only one week to live. My aunt wrote that she didn’t answer at the time, but she reflected a lot afterwards. She said…”

At age sixteen, Choi Haeun had gone to Sokcho Beach to spend the summer alongside her boring family. It was her first time there, but it would also be the last. And it hurt that she never returned because she had loved someone there. Haeun had fallen for a Thai boy called Song, age seventeen. They had their first kiss together… and some other things, too. 

Soobin blushed as Yeonjun read about it, their first times. Yeonjun didn’t even hesitate, perhaps because it wasn’t detailed, only mentioned.

“ _Hyung_ , I’m sorry, but how about we jump directly to the wish part?” The younger suggested, interrupting the older. “I mean, it’s… it’s her privacy, right? We should respect it.”

“Oh, true, true…” Yeonjun said as if it was a sudden realization. “So, yes, the wish part… Here. She wrote that she would go to Sokcho Beach again and spend her entire last week there, alone. Song wouldn’t be there anyway, so it’d be just for the sake of nostalgia, for remembering the good times. There, she said, was the happiest she ever felt… for she felt free.” 

Yeonjun stared at the page for a while, tears filling up his puppy eyes. He had always been emotional, the most sensitive boy, though Soobin had never actually learned how to react to him crying. 

“Soobin-ah, we need to go”, he whimpered, now looking up at the other as his tears rolled down. “I know it’s crazy, but my aunt Haeun… She was just a teenager, like us. Everybody wants to forget about her, as if she never existed! And just because of… of a casualty. I just want her to know that I’ll never forget her… and that I want her to rest in peace. I want my dear aunt to know she didn’t deserve to die.”

“I see”, was all Soobin could say at that moment. But he still managed to think of other words: “How would we do it, though? Just by going there, to Sokcho Beach?”

Yeonjun shook his head. “No, no. We go there and we bury the journal in the sand. I think she’d like that. Right?”

Once again, Soobin didn’t know what to say. And even more when Yeonjun left the journal on the table and held both of his giant hands with a “please, Soobin-ah” in the background. A waitress came with their order right in that instant, causing Soobin to move away his hands rather abruptly.

It reminded him of how in love he had been with Yeonjun for the past few years. Every touch was like a firework exploding inside of his poor heart, and his best friend was _annoyingly_ touchy. Soobin should have gotten used to it by now, but it seemed impossible. Each time it would really just get worse. 

He wanted to tell Yeonjun he would follow him anywhere, at any time, even if it meant his parents would absolutely disown him. Instead, he simply thanked the waitress and started eating his treat like there was no tomorrow. 

“C’mon, Soobin-ah, you can tell your parents you’re going to spend the weekend with me and my family…” Yeonjun insisted. “You don’t even have to say we’re going to the beach.”

“ _Hyung_ , you talk as if my parents trusted yours,” Soobin replied with his mouth full, “which is, like, _not_ the reality. I really don’t know how I could pull this off, honest to God. It’s always complicated with them.”

“I will go alone, then. You always take care of me anyway… It’s time for me to deal with things by myself.”

Yeonjun had this smile on his face that Soobin too knew very damn well. It was the smile of victory, the one he would always give before the other finally surrendered to him. He could be the weirdest, the most sensitive of boys, but he _certainly_ wasn’t dumb.

“Are you actually doing this?” Soobin retorted, incredulous. “Trying to make me feel guilty enough to run away with you?”

“Of course not”, Yeonjun said mischievously. “Why, is it working?”

“No, it isn’t.” _It was._

“Soobin-ah! Please, please, pleaaaaaaase! C’mon, it could be our last great adventure, because… you’re going to college in Seoul, aren’t you? I’ll be here, you’ll be there. And it’s nothing big, like… it’s just a beach. And a three-hour trip, but still.”

“ _Hyung_ …”

“Yes?”

“Do you understand what you’re asking me to sacrifice for a trip to the beach?”

“Hey, not any trip to the beach!” Yeonjun leaned towards Soobin with his elbows on the table. “This is for my aunt _and_ for us. Our very last trip before you go and leave me, your _bestest_ friend, alone. Have you no heart, Soobin-ah?”

Sure he had a heart. Soobin had such a heart that the first thing he did when he got home was write a note to his parents, saying he was going on a trip with Yeonjun after school and would not be coming back at least for a few days. He packed this giant backpack prior to leaving his house in the morning, and his mother even asked what the heck he was carrying inside it. Her impeccable baby boy said it was all books, so how could she not believe him? 

Soobin and Yeonjun left school by 4:30 PM and reached Moran Station by 5 PM. They took the 1117 bus that would drop them at the Techno Mart shopping center, then they walked to the Dong Seoul Terminal, where they took the Sokcho Express Bus at last. The two of them would spend two and a half hours inside that bus, so they decided to download an app to kill time. A truth or dare app. 

“Okay, so the first one is for you, Soobin-ah…” Yeonjun said while staring at this phone. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth”, Soobin replied. He was staring at Yeonjun staring at his phone. “We can always choose, right? I’m not doing any dares on this bus.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. The question is: Soobin, which animal does Yeonjun look like?”

He laughed. “Yeonjun- _hyung_ looks like a puppy, definitely. He has puppy eyes.”

“Does he?” The other chuckled, sort of surprised. “You never told him that.”

“Did he ever ask? C’mon, it’s your turn now.” Soobin took Yeonjun’s phone from him. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth!”

“Oh, this one is good! Yeonjun, what is the last lie you told?”

“The last lie…” He thought about it for a second. “Yesterday, I reckon. You’d ask me if I had understood the exercise and I’d say yes for us to finish studying more quickly.”

“God, _hyung_ , you’re terrible…” Soobin shook his head, to which Yeonjun laughed. 

“I’m not terrible, I’m just dumb!” The older took his phone back as they now laughed together. “Your turn again. Truth?” The younger nodded. “Right, so… Oh, my God… Okay. Soobin, would you date your best friend?”

Soobin’s eyes widened in sheer shock and his heart started beating a little too fast. Yeonjun just stayed there quietly, smiling and waiting. 

“Well,” he gulped, “we’re kinda dating already, aren’t we?” _Yes. He decided to (try to) be funny._ “We’re always together and I’m always taking care of you, like a boyfriend would take care of his girlfriend. Don’t look at me like that, you said it yourself!”

“Okay, first of all, are you trying to come for me? To punish me for your _sacrifice_?” Yeonjun turned on the defense mode. “Second of all, a boyfriend can take care of his boyfriend, too. Don’t put me as a girl in this scenario.”

“But then it implies I’d date a boy.”

“And what about it?”

Soobin’s eyes widened even more this time. “What are you saying?” 

“Nothing much, just that I don’t see the problem. I’d date a boy any day.” Yeonjun handed his phone to Soobin. “Truth again. I’m too tired for dares.”

“Wait,” Soobin said in confusion, “wait a minute. Are you telling me you like… boys?”

“Why?” Yeonjun couldn’t help but giggle. “Don’t you?”

“Me? I’m not… I’m not gay.” _He was, though. He had known for quite a while now._

“You don’t have to be gay to like boys. I mean, for example, I don’t think I am. Gender doesn’t really matter to me.”

“So you’re, like… bisexual. Or something like that.”

“I’m not sure yet, but, yeah… something like that. Can you give me my question now, thank you very much?”

“Alright…” Soobin cleared his throat. “Yeonjun, what was your first French kiss like? Give details.”

Yeonjun shrugged. “I never kissed anyone.” And smiled. “Can’t give details.”

“Now that’s a lie”, Soobin impeached. “You literally had a girlfriend a few years back. I remember that _very_ clearly.”

“Jiwoo- _noona_ wasn’t my girlfriend, you dumbass. We were fighting, me and you, and she became my new best friend for, like, a couple of weeks.” 

“Didn’t you tell me she was your girlfriend at the time?” 

“Of course I did, I was trying to make you jealous. Give me that phone.”

Soobin gasped. “Oh, my God, _hyung_ , you’re such a liar! I can’t believe you’ve been lying about this the whole time!”

“We literally never talked about it again, I didn't even _remember_!” Yeonjun took his phone back once more, this time for good. “You know what? Enough of this game, you’re terrible at it!” 

“Oh, nice, we were able to…” Soobin snuck a peek at his own phone. “Kill three minutes worth of time. What are we doing now, then?”

“We? No, _you_ will have to manage because _I_ am going to sleep. Good luck.”

Soobin knew Yeonjun was a little angry about the whole thing, but he had never been one to hold grudges. The younger didn’t say anything for he was sure the older would’ve completely forgotten by the time he woke up. 

About half an hour later, Soobin, who had closed his eyes while watching the road through the window, was startled by a half-asleep Yeonjun’s attempt to lay his head on the other’s lap. He eventually helped the poor guy do it properly, ending up smiling at him. Nothing less than the fondest smile ever.

As Soobin played with Yeonjun’s hair, there was a sudden feeling that someone was watching them. He looked up and there it was: a little girl standing in her seat, the one right in front of him. She giggled when he finally noticed, as if she were actually expecting him to. 

“Hi”, Soobin said, trying to be nice. 

“Hi”, the little girl said in return. “What’s your name?”

“Oh, me? I’m Soobin.” He smiled. “You?”

“Chinsun. Do you know Haeun- _unnie_?”

Soobin furrowed his eyebrows. “I don’t think so…” 

“She told me to tell you something. I think you do.”

“But—”

“It’s about Yeonjunie.”

“I don’t understand…” He chuckled nervously.

“She’s thankful to you for taking care of him. She wishes she’d had someone like you in her life. Poor _unnie_.”

The little girl pouted as she turned around and sat on her seat like nothing had happened. Soobin saw that the woman next to her — probably her mother — was asleep, so he assumed that was the reason why she hadn’t said anything. So strange, he thought. Was he dreaming? 

They arrived at Sokcho Express Bus Terminal by 9 PM. It was too late to go to the beach, and why go now if they still had tomorrow and a couple more days. So they walked the streets in search of a place to stay at least for the night. 

“Shouldn’t we stay closer to the beach?” Yeonjun said as they wandered side by side. “We’re not that far but still…” 

“It’s only going to be more expensive,” Soobin shrugged, “and we don’t have that much money to spend, _hyung_.”

Yeonjun smiled. “Thank God you’re here, then. Managing money isn’t really my thing.” 

“Oh, I know that. I’ll never forget that time you thought trading a Yu-Gi-Oh! card for your PS3 would be okay.”

“I was a dumb kid, alright? I promise I’m a little less dumb now.”

Soobin tried not to laugh at his poor — no pun intended — friend, but failed miserably. Yeonjun laughed with him, of course, because why not. He also took the liberty to link Soobin’s arms with his own and kind of lean on him. This one tried to act naturally, and this time he didn’t fail… not miserably, at least. There was an exquisite amount of effort, though. 

Soobin would never forget his mother talking about the _strange_ closeness he had with Yeonjun. He was barely twelve years old. _“Don’t you think it’s weird that he’s always hugging you?”_ She told him while the two were eating breakfast. _“And sleeping in the same bed, for Heaven’s sake. What would your father say if he saw you two cuddling? Cuddling! God, Soobin, you’re growing up, don’t you see? People will start talking soon enough.”_

They never slept in the same bed again. Soobin would always put an extra mattress on the floor so Yeonjun could sleep there, and when questioned the younger would say they were growing up, becoming bigger in size, thus sleeping in that same space would eventually cause _discomfort_. The older wouldn’t agree, though he wouldn’t object either — after all, it was another person’s house. Even if it felt more like home than the one he lived in. 

It was funny — especially to Yeonjun — that the cheap motel they stopped by a few blocks from the terminal had only rooms with double beds available. As soon as the desk clerk gave them the information, he said they had no problem with that and would happily take any of the rooms, for they were really, _really_ tired. Soobin felt kind of desperate, he did, but there was nothing he could do… or _want_ to do, as a matter of fact. Although he was his mother’s son, he was still human. He was in love. 

“I know you don’t like sharing the bed with people,” Yeonjun said right after the desk clerk left them alone in their room, “but we’re here and… I _am_ tired of walking. You’ll have to put up with me until tomorrow, Soobin-ah.”

“It’s not that I don’t _like_ sharing it,” Soobin retorted, sitting on the edge of the bed so he could take his shoes off, “it’s just that my bed back home is not, like, _this_ big. I mean, I’m 6’1” and you’re 5’11” now. We’re both too tall to share a single bed.”

“You’re so dramatic. Just say you didn’t like me hugging you to sleep.”

Yeonjun was smiling when Soobin looked over at him on the other edge of the bed, but he still felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. “Is that why you think we stopped sharing the bed?” He asked. 

“Maybe”, the other lowered his head, playing with his fingers. “For a while I just thought… Never mind.”

“What? You thought what?”

“That you… you knew I was different. You knew so you were afraid I’d do something to you.” 

At that moment, Soobin also lowered his head. “I didn’t know,” he said, “and I was never afraid of you, _hyung_. To be honest, I… I… God, this is so hard, I…” And chuckled. “How could you just tell me on the bus. You told me and I can’t even tell you right now.”

That was when Yeonjun went back to looking at him, and frowned. “I don’t understand”, he muttered. 

“I lied when I said I wasn’t…” Soobin tried again. “You know, _hyung_. Don’t make me say it, I’m too embarrassed at this point.”

Soobin was already crying when Yeonjun finally realized what he was talking about. He immediately stood and walked up to him, kneeling between his spread legs. The older’s hands reached out to the younger’s, which covered his sobbing face, and put them away so they could see each other. 

“It was not a lie,” Yeonjun spoke softly, “you simply weren’t ready. And that’s okay.”

“It’s just… it’s just weird…” Soobin shook his head. “Isn’t it? I… I should’ve told you sooner, I know, but…” 

“Soobin-ah! Soobin-ah, it’s okay! You only say these things when you’re comfortable enough, don’t worry about it, please!”

“I… Okay…” He sniffed. “I know you don’t get mad at people… at least not for long, but… you’re not really mad, are you?”

“I promise I’m not mad. I promiseeeeeeee!” Yeonjun used Soobin’s arms to shake his whole body, which ultimately made him smile. “Hey, hey. Look at me. Soobin-ah, now we can watch boys together, you know? You know, Soobinie?” And then they were both laughing. “Tell me you know!”

“I know.” _Of course he did._ “I know, _hyung_.” _It was Yeonjun who didn’t know._

A few minutes later, Yeonjun announced he was going to take a shower — and that he had a _surprise_ coming right up. Soobin didn’t really mind him, knowing it probably was just of one his weirdo moments. Instead, he stayed in bed and stared at the ceiling. A million thoughts went through his head. Like, Yeonjun was into boys too. Yeonjun wasn’t mad at him. Yeonjun was so thoughtful. Yeonjun was so beautiful. So lovely. So… everything. Everything good. All things perfect and pretty.

By the time Yeonjun emerged from the bathroom, Soobin had already closed his eyes and started falling asleep. He scared the shit out of him by opening the door with a kick. You read it, a _kick_.

“I’m sorry for taking so long, if I only knew I’d need forty whole minutes!” Yeonjun said enthusiastically as he threw himself onto the bed. “But here I aaammmmm! C’mon, Soobin-ah, you can sleep in a minute, just look at me first.” 

Soobin was still a bit disoriented, but managed to sit up and blink his eyes until they could function properly. He even widened them when he saw it: Yeonjun had dyed his hair blue. Since he hadn’t bleached it, the shade of blue was a dark one, lighter from the middle of the hair to the tips. He had dyed it light brown before, so his natural dark brown color only showed in the grown-out roots.

“Yes, these guys too”, the older chuckled, raising his hands with palms — unintentionally — dyed blue. “I only brought the tube with the hair dye and forgot the gloves in the box. It happens.”

“ _Hyung_ , you’re crazy,” the younger replied, “but it does look good on you.” And the other pouted. “No, not good, it looks great. Definitely. But you always look great, so… I don’t even know why you ask, you know you do.” 

“Do I, though?”

“I hate you. And now I’ll be taking my shower.”

“Alright, one last question.”

“Yes?”

“If you didn’t know me, if I was, like, passing by, a total stranger… Would you feel like… kissing me?” 

“You gotta be kidding”, Soobin puffed and got out of the bed right away. On his way to the bathroom, he continued to speak: “I just said you always look great, isn’t that the same as kissable?” 

“Hum,” Yeonjun uttered cheekily, “so you always feel like kissing me. Right?”

 _Right. You’re so, so right, Yeonjun._ “You’re the worst,” the other said as he closed the door, “good night.”

When Soobin finished taking his shower, as expected, Yeonjun had fallen into the deepest sleep. But it was as if he could detect the younger’s presence anyway, because the second he lied down next to him the older went on to embrace his waist. After so many years, there they were, cuddling all over again. 

Now that they had disclosed to one another they both liked boys, it didn’t feel so weird. It didn’t feel so _dirty_ anymore, even though Soobin hadn’t had the guts to tell his other big secret. He tried to remember Yeonjun’s comforting words — _“you simply weren’t ready, and that’s okay”_ — and that Yeonjun was the one hugging him. Still, it was hard. Hard to forget his mother’s harsh words all of a sudden. 


	2. pink

Once they left the motel the next morning, Soobin and Yeonjun found themselves having breakfast at a local café, and the latter was particularly quiet. The former assumed he was still sleepy and reframed from bothering him on such a big day. Neither of them was actually uncomfortable with silence, especially not Soobin, who knew Yeonjun was just like a tsunami — first comes the quiet, then the chaos —, thus he simply stayed put, waiting for _it_ to come. For what he had to say.

“Did anything weird happen yesterday?” Yeonjun asked, at last, staring at the plate of waffles they were sharing on the table. It took him half an hour. 

“Weird?” Soobin frowned. “Like you dying your hair blue in the middle of the night, sleeping with it wet and then staining the pillowcase? That was pretty weird.” 

Funny Soobin attacked again. And of course that made Yeonjun smile. “I’m always weird,” he said as he gazed up at his hilarious friend, “that doesn’t count. I mean something weird _weird_.”

“Well, to be honest, something did happen. I forgot to tell you about it because… we were saying all those things yesterday… Sorry.” 

“It’s alright, Soobin-ah. But if you keep on being like this, I’m going to beat your ass.” He spoke in the cutest manner, pointing at the other, whom struggled not to choke from the giggles and the waffles. “Oh, my God, don’t you die on me now!”

“I won’t”, Soobin said, still struggling. “And please don’t mention death. What happened… I think I got so scared I spent the whole night trying to forget.”

“Did it have to do with my aunt Haeun?”

“Yes. You were asleep with your head on my lap and this little girl stood in her seat, the one in front of me, so quietly I didn’t even _see_ her stand. But, I mean, she was just a child, and children doing unusual things is not that unusual. I said hi to her, she said hi to me and then asked my name. Naturally, I asked her name in return… she even said it, but… in the end it didn’t matter since what she really wanted was to see if I knew a Haeun- _unnie_.”

Yeonjun closed his eyes. “I guess there wasn’t a Haeun- _unnie._ Not other than…” 

“Your aunt, yes, but the little girl never said it directly. She just… she kept talking to me, saying I did know this Haeun- _unnie_ , because she had something to tell _me_. That’s when she also said it was about _you_. She even called you Yeonjunie…”

“And what was it?” He opened his eyes again, looking confused. “What did she have to tell you so much?”

“The little girl said _unnie_ was thankful to me for… you know… taking care of you.” Soobin stopped for a moment. “Telling you this… sounds like I’m praising myself. I’m—”

“Sorry?” Yeonjun lifted his fist and pointed it at Soobin, which made him laugh once more. “Yeah, right, you can laugh all you want, just stop apologizing. Now… did she say anything else?”

Soobin shrugged. The laughter ceased gradually but suddenly at the same time, leaving the ghost of a smile on his face. “That she wished she’d had someone like me in her life,” he replied, “or something similar. That’s it, really.”

“I see”, the older chuckled. 

“Do you think that’s funny? I almost peed my pants!”

“I do, actually. She appeared to me in the dream I had last night. Said she was sorry and didn’t mean to scare you, so…”

“Oh…”

“Yeah. She also said Song is here.”

This time it really didn’t ring a bell with the younger. “Song?” He asked. “Song who?”

“The love of my aunt’s life, Song. The Thai boy, who she mentioned in the journal.”

“Oh, right… But… But, _hyung_ …” 

“It was just a dream, I know. She didn’t even say where he’d be exactly, only that he was… here, in Sokcho. He must be close to the beach, though, that’s where everyone who comes here during the summer is.”

“I get it, if he’s in Sokcho that’s the only place he could be…”

“But…?”

“But are we going to wait for him all day? Hundreds of tourists go to the beach here every summer, _hyung_. There’s no way we can magically find him.”

Yeonjun sighed. “I have something, I guess. We don’t have to wait for him or even look for him all day, just try this… at least…” And then cleared his throat. “That day, when we were talking about my aunt and making the trip, I went home only to find my mother drinking real heavily… which isn’t news, as you know. So I took advantage of it and asked her about the trip they’d made to Sokcho when she was young…”

“Get outta here!” Soobin exclaimed. “Did she tell you the name of the hotel? She _remembered_?!”

“Of course she did! She said it was the worst trip ever because she had to stay away from her boyfriend at the time, ‘the one she should’ve married’, according to herself. They’d had an argument, my mother and father, so she wanted to vent… and take it out on me as well.”

“Jesus, now she’s resorting to a trip that happened _way_ before you were born to put you down? Really?” The younger snorted, shaking his head. “How is that even possible?”

“Why do you think my mother hates me? She always says I’m just like her _troubled_ sister… the way I look, the way I speak, everything… I’ve told you that, I’m sure. If we’re talking — or she’s talking to my grandma while I’m around — and my aunt Haeun is mentioned, she’ll use it to criticize me. It’s a tradition.”

“I hope it was at least something useful…”

“It was. She said my aunt became friends with the resort owner’s daughter and would go everywhere with her… to chase after boys and stuff. I don’t even think that’s true but whatever…” The older smiled sadly. “She proceeded to call her sister a whore and said I was probably the same.”

Naturally, Soobin was so shocked he started babbling. “Did she… did she insinuate you’re a… a _whore_? What the fu—”

“Let’s just…” Yeonjun cut him off. “Let’s just not dwell on the subject, please. What’s important here is that she had a friend and this friend was the resort owner’s daughter. From what I researched, the resort still exists, so… I mean, the family who owned it must still… own it, right?”

“Guess we’ll never know… unless you eat your waffles, of course.”

For some reason, Yeonjun wasn’t really hungry, but he ate the waffles anyway, just because Soobin seemed kind of worried. They hadn’t eaten anything last night except for snacks they’d brought from home.

While they walked towards the beach, Yeonjun showed Soobin the information he had found on Google about the resort. Its name was Pinkie’s Resort, and they couldn’t find pictures from the old days, but it was quite a big establishment, one with pink walls just a few steps from the beach. At least they would be able to see it without much effort once they reached the place. 

Pink, pink, pink. It was all they saw even from miles away. Pink on the outside, pink on the inside. As they stepped into the resort, whose entrance initially looked like one of a château, the two of them would look at each other, furrow their eyebrows and giggle. What a strange place. Soobin thought to himself it was starting to feel even more like a dream. He also found secretly adorable how Yeonjun’s blue hair contrasted with the pink surroundings… which then reminded him of the aunt’s journal. Pink cover. Blue butterflies drawn all over it. What a… coincidence? 

“Good morning, boys!” The desk clerk shouted from where she was supposed to be, startling them a little. They had walked all the way to the middle of the lobby. “Can I help you?”

“Good morning, miss!” Yeonjun shouted in return, nodding, and went on to move right over there. Soobin followed. “And well, yes, we could certainly use your help…”

She smiled sweetly. “Sure, have you booked any rooms?”

“Actually, we’re not here to stay…” He gulped. “We were wondering if… we could speak to the owner. Is that possible?”

“The owner?” The woman frowned in confusion. “You mean… Miss Pinkie?”

“Or Miss Pinkie’s… daughter…”

“Miss Pinkie doesn’t have… a daughter, I’m afraid. The resort is named after her because her mother used to be the owner, but… now she’s dead, so… Miss Pinkie took over the business…”

“So Miss Pinkie is the owner’s daughter!” Yeonjun said very cheerfully as he turned to Soobin. “Do you hear this, Soobin-ah? She’s here!...” And then turned to the desk clerk again. “She _is_ here, right?”

“She is in her office, yes…” The woman nodded, though her smile had faded. “What is it about? Do you know her personally?”

“Miss Pinkie and my aunt Haeun used to be friends in their teens”, he replied. “It’s about her, my aunt. If you could only tell Miss Pinkie her name…” 

“Is it urgent?” 

“Well—”

“Yes,” Soobin abruptly decided to do the talking, “yes, in fact, it is. Try saying the aunt’s name, Haeun, she’ll know. Please.”

As the woman nodded again — along with a pretty loud sigh — and left the desk to enter a room behind her, Yeonjun went back to looking at Soobin. “What if she doesn’t know?” He whispered. “You shouldn’t have said it like that.”

“At least we won’t have to wait all day to find out”, the other argued. “If she doesn’t, we will simply—”

“OH, MY GOOOOOOOD!” A screaming female voice interrupted Soobin’s reasoning. It came from inside the room behind the front desk. “OH, MY GOD, CHOHUI, GET OUT OF THE WAY!”

Miss Pinkie looked much younger than the boys had imagined. She flaunted this aura of excitement and friendliness that made them both like her instantly. The woman was really the personification of her pink resort: odd, warm and expansive. Although she could only be in her mid-thirties, given the age Yeonjun’s aunt would be if she were alive, Miss Pinkie seemed like one of their girl friends from school. 

“I can’t believe it!” She said as soon as she walked up to them, adjusting her cat-eye shaped glasses. It was funny because she was wearing all black, blouse, pants _and_ shoes — nothing pink in sight. “So one of you is Haeun- _unnie_ ’s nephew… Let me guess…” She pointed at Yeonjun with an unusual enthusiasm. “You.” And he nodded with a smile. “I knew it! You look so much like her it’s unreal… You sure you’re not her son? Jesus Christ!”

“Oh, I _wish_ I were her son…” Yeonjun joked, but not really. “I get that a lot, though. My mother always says looking at me is the same as looking at her sister…”

“Oh, your mother… Haeun- _unnie_ ’s sister…” Miss Pinkie rolled her eyes playfully. “I guess she never changed, then. But what are your names, I didn’t even let you tell me…”

“Sure, I’m Yeonjun and this is Soobin, my best friend. Our names are rather common, haha…”

“Pinkie is my American name… which I chose when I was five and my mother just… went along with it. Even named the resort Pinkie… Mothers, right?” She chuckled. “My real name is Minkyung. But everyone calls me Pinkie because it’s more fun, I reckon. It’s my trademark now.”

“So, Miss Pinkie,” an impatient Soobin butted in, “we were hoping you could help us with something that… you know, has to do with Yeonjun’s aunt.”

“No need to hope,” the woman assured, “I’d be very glad to help in any way I can. What is it? A surprise? Guess that’s why she’s not here… Gosh, I just _love_ surpri—”

“She’s dead, Miss Pinkie. I’m sorry to interrupt you, but my aunt’s been dead for twenty years. That’s actually why she’s not here.”

Unable to process the information, Miss Pinkie simply stared at them for a while. The lively aura she had at first… it truly seemed long gone. “What?” She managed to mutter. “How… How did that happen?” 

“She had…” Yeonjun started saying, but then remembered the _nature_ of what he was about to say. So he lowered his voice. “She had an abortion, Miss Pinkie. And died due to complications from it.”

The woman got closer to him and also lowered her voice. “Are you… Are you telling me she bled to death? Is that it?”

“Probably, yes. They haven’t told me much throughout the years…”

“Alright…” Miss Pinkie swallowed her tears. “Boys, how about we go to my office? We’ll have more privacy there. C’mon, follow me.”

That was when she went back to where she came from, to the room behind the front desk, and even opened the door for Soobin and Yeonjun so she could shut it herself. The woman started crying the second she did, which caused the boys to look at each other worryingly. After all, what could they possibly do? Miss Pinkie was still someone they had never seen before in their lives. Almost a complete stranger.

“I’m sorry, boys,” she whimpered on her way to sit at her desk, “it’s just that… to be completely honest, we didn’t part on good terms, Haeun- _unnie_ and me. I mean, _I_ didn’t… It was all my fault, really. To know that she died thinking I hated her… it’s too much. It’s just too much.”

“I’m sure she didn’t think that”, Yeonjun said as he sat on one of the two chairs before the desk, followed by Soobin on the other. “Whatever it was, I’m sure.” 

“But if only I could hear this from her… I’d tell her that I understand it now… That Song and I were never the same…”

 _Oh, my God. There. She said it._ “Song?” Yeonjun’s eyes gleamed. “You knew Song?”

“Of course I knew Song. That’s why we fought at the time…” Miss Pinkie sniffed. “I was jealous of him.”

“Jealous? Why?”

“You know why. I know what kind of _best friend_ he is to you, Yeonjun. We can recognize our kind from miles away.”

While she was now smiling, they had their chins dropped. “We’re not…” Soobin mumbled. “We’re… We’re really…”

“Yeah, sure. I have a _best friend_ , too. She’s been my roommate for ten years now. Anyways…” She giggled. “The thing is, your aunt was the first person I ever talked about liking girls… and girls only. She was the one who told me it was okay to like girls only, that there was nothing wrong with me. And then I asked if she felt the same way, you know, about girls. _Unnie_ said she didn’t. I even joked, ‘it’s okay to like boys only, _unnie_ ’. However… he came along. Song came along. She fell for him and I felt so lied to…”

“Lied to?” Yeonjun retorted. “But hadn’t she said she liked boys only?”

“I didn’t understand Song was already a boy at the time”, she elucidated. Though not really, because both of them still looked confused. “You know, because trans men are still trans men even before they start transitioning. Even if they decide not to transition… or don’t ever feel like they need to… I… I’m sorry, why are you looking at me like that? You didn’t know?” They shook their heads in silence. “Oh… I see… So how did you know about him? And me?”

“About him… My aunt wrote about him in her last journal…” The blue haired gulped. “And you… Well, my mother told me you two became friends when they all came here to spend the summer.”

“She didn’t mention me…” The woman sighed, then shrugged. “But what to do, right? At least she mentioned Song… He’ll be very happy to know this.”

“Does that mean you can contact him?”

“He comes here almost every summer with his family. Let me call him to see if he’s in his room or on the beach, one sec.” Miss Pinkie took her phone out of her pocket and gave its screen a few taps until she put it to her ear. When he picked it up, she started speaking in English. _“Hey, handsome. Haven’t seen you in a while, what are you up to?”_ So he said some unintelligible sentences in English back. _“She’s on the beach with the kids? Oh, that’s fine, I was hoping we could talk alone… Yeah, it’s kinda urgent. I’ll be right up, then. Ok, bye.”_

Both fluent in English, Yeonjun and Soobin looked at each other once more, this time with excitement. “Can we come with you?” The older asked her. “Please, please, please!”

“Sure,” she smiled, “but let me do the talking, alright? This is just… This is all very heavy to just drop on someone. He’s way more emotional than I am.” 

Soon enough the three of them left Miss Pinkie’s office and went directly to where the four elevators of the resort were. However, Soobin noticed Yeonjun had just begun to act weirdly — compared to how he would normally act, _too_ weirdly. It was like he wasn’t well… like he was about to throw up or something. He even rested his head on Soobin’s shoulder while they were in the elevator, something he certainly wouldn’t do if there was someone else around. Miss Pinkie, on the other hand, smiled at them the whole time, unable to notice Yeonjun’s unwellness due to — and these were her own words — “how cute they looked together”. 

There were only five floors, thus they arrived there, on the last, pretty quickly. Miss Pinkie went ahead, followed by Soobin and Yeonjun, this one clinging to the other as if he couldn’t possibly walk on his own. The woman stopped before the tenth door to the right and knocked on it three times. The boys stayed a few steps behind, waiting for her to say it was okay to approach. 

He instantly opened the door, but didn’t walk through it. They couldn’t take a look at him yet. _“What is it that you want now?”_ His deep voice was heard. _“Don’t tell me you’re actually suing another guest.”_

 _“None of that, Mister Lawyer,”_ she chuckled, _“it’s about a friend from a long time ago.”_

_“Since when you have friends? Besides me, of course, because you never get out of the apartment or the office. And if you do, it’s always you and Aeji.”_

_“Aeji is my partner, what do you expect? Anyways, it’s not just a friend of mine. It’s a friend of ours…”_

Song went silent for a moment. _“Pinkie, what’s going on?”_

_“Haeun’s nephew is here, Song. That’s what’s going on.”_

He went silent again, now actually stepping out of the room. Seeming to have gotten better all of a sudden, Yeonjun goggled at the sight of him and walked away from Soobin’s arms. They stared at each other then, the blue haired boy and the astonished man, until the following happened.

“Song…” Yeonjun spoke softly. But in the next second his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he straightforwardly passed out. His body hit the floor like a slab of concrete. 

Yeonjun woke up only half an hour later. The first thing he saw was Miss Pinkie, Song and another woman talking in front of him. The resort owner was the only one sitting on the edge of the bed — _oh dear, he was in someone’s bed_ — while the other two were standing up, the man’s left arm embracing the woman’s waist. He looked like he had been crying. She seemed to be comforting him. 

“ _Hyung_!” He heard Soobin’s voice next to him. “ _Hyung_ , thank God! How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright”, Yeonjun replied faintly. Everyone turned their attention to him in a flash. “What… What happened?”

“You fainted, young man,” Miss Pinkie said with her arms folded, “that’s what happened. Did it ever happen before? You got us worried sick…”

“No,” he muttered, “no, it never did… I don’t remember ever fainting… This is definitely a first.”

“Don’t worry about that, my dear, I’m a nurse.” The unknown woman said. She had an accent, but only when she started speaking in English he realized she was also Thai. _“Did I say it right, Pinkie? Poor baby…”_

 _“You said it perfectly”_ , the other assured. “Now, Yeonjun, you’re really not feeling anything? As she said, she’s a nurse and can help yo—”

 _“I swear I’m fine”_ , Yeonjun said in English with a smile, forcing himself to sit up. A concerned Soobin helped him do it. _“And I think I know why this happened, but… but I really need some fresh air right now. Can we go to the beach?”_

“ _Hyung_ ,” Soobin quickly whispered in his ear, “you should rest. We can go later.”

“Wasn’t I just sleeping?” He whispered back. “Besides, my aunt told me to go there. I dreamed—”

“This again? _Hyung_ , you’re not well. That is your _reality_ so, please, cooperate.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s just that you’re getting ahead of yourself.”

“The heck are you two whispering about?” Miss Pinkie butted in. “Do you still want to go to the beach, Yeonjun?” He nodded and she turned to the other woman. _“Is he allowed to go to the beach? I mean, if he says he’s feeling fine…”_

 _“I don’t see why not”_ , she agreed. _“Strong emotions can also cause people to faint. It doesn't necessarily have to be physical.”_

 _“Also, if you think about it,”_ Song finally interacted, _“they’re both taller than the three of us. They might beat us if we don’t let them.”_ Everyone laughed at him, even Soobin, who seemed to worry the most about Yeonjun. _“Hi there. Miss Pinkie told me all about…”_ He hesitated. _“You know, what you told her. I’m glad that you came, I just… I wish we could’ve met under different circumstances…”_ And gazed at the blue haired with a sweet smile. _“You look so much like your aunt, Yeonjun. It’s like going back in time or something.”_

 _“Thank you”_ , the boy chuckled. _“I’m glad that I came, too. And she… she is the gladdest.”_

It turned out Yeonjun had fainted because of his aunt — or at least that was what he said. He explained they were both inexperienced in terms of making contact, and it was such that the only way out for her was to make him sleep. She would talk to him in his dreams from time to time, something that not even Soobin was aware of. For years, though, Yeonjun wasn’t aware either. 

“My parents are not religious,” he spelled out in Korean, “so she has always been like God to me. I fantasized about her a lot, especially as a kid. I used to pray to her, you know… I’d beg her to come back down and be the cool aunt I never had… because I knew she had died young. I was very lonely before Soobin showed up.”

As Miss Pinkie translated it to the Thai couple — yes, the woman was Song’s wife —, Yeonjun turned to Soobin and smiled at him fondly. “You never told me that”, the black haired spoke in a low voice. “I thought you were only obsessed with her because… I don’t know, the mystery surrounding her death. I’m sorry.”

Yeonjun shook his head. “Nah, it’s alright. But if you’re truly my best friend, you will let me go to the beach.”

“I don’t need to let you. I will go _with_ you, _hyung_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... 
> 
> i KNOW it was supposed to be only two chapters, but... i mean... why not one more... just one...
> 
> and it’s the first time(s) chapter. look forward to it, it’s gonna be BOMB. i promise.


	3. purple

Sitting on the sand, the three guys — Song, Yeonjun and Soobin, in this order looking from the front — found themselves in some sort of a haze as they admired the man’s wife and two kids playing close to the shoreline. It was like watching a movie, really, because it all felt heavenly. The day was clear, the sun was shining. And everyone seemed happy — not only the woman and the children, but also the other people on the beach.

 _“You know, the first time I came here I was barely seven years old,”_ Song said, _“a baby.”_ Yeonjun and Soobin were listening attentively. _“And then my family kept coming until my siblings and I started college, since we naturally grew apart, with new friends and all. But the only time it felt like this…”_ He stopped for an instant. _“The only time it felt like a dream was when Haeun came along. She’s the one who showed me how life can be beautiful when you’re with the right people. Even my wife knows about her.”_

 _“Isn’t she jealous, your wife?”_ Yeonjun asked out of sheer curiosity. _“I mean, the way you talk about my aunt… and knowing that you two were… together…”_

Song shook his head, smiling at him. _“Not at all, no. Your aunt was not only the first person I loved that way, she was much, much more… Haeun was… Haeun was different, you know, like you. She could sense things. And the very first time she looked at me she said, ‘Aren't you a handsome boy?’”_ He chuckled. _“I hadn’t told anyone about me being trans yet. My hair was already short and I refused to wear anything feminine, but people merely saw me as a tomboy. She didn’t. She was the first one to see me for who I was.”_

 _“It makes me really happy to know that”_ , Yeonjun said gently. _“She kinda did that to me, too. She would always call me smart and authentic in my dreams. Things I never get to hear from my parents…”_ And tried really hard not to cry. _“Because they see me as this weird kid, this boy who shouldn’t be so delicate or emotional…”_ But he ended up failing. _“And if I didn’t have her or Soobin, I don’t even know… I don’t_ ever _want to know.”_

“Hey, don’t cry”, Soobin whispered in Yeonjun’s ear as he got closer to him and embraced his trembling body. “Don’t cry, _hyung_ , it’s okay. I’m here.”

 _“Yeonjun, let me tell you this,”_ Song squeezed his shoulder, _“you’re smart and authentic and a thousand things more. Just like me, I’m much more than a handsome boy… I mean, now a handsome man, right?”_ They all proceeded to laugh. _“So don’t stop there. Those things…_ _Those nice things people say about us, we use them to grow. To know we’re good and worthy of love. And then we go out there in the world and search for nicer things.”_

_“Nicer things?”_

_“Yeah, that’s right. Happiness isn’t constant, you will never be happy all the time. But when you know it’s possible, when you know you’re allowed to feel that way… You shouldn’t stop there. You should keep searching for things that make you happy. Things, people, moments. It doesn’t matter, as long as it serves as a reminder that life can be beautiful. Even if only sometimes.”_

That said, Song got up, winked at the boys with a closed-but-sweet kind of smile, and then went to play with his family. Yeonjun, who initially seemed to be forcing his tears not to come down anymore, started chuckling out of nowhere. Soobin even furrowed his eyebrows in confusion while staring at him.

“ _Hyung_ , you shouldn’t blame your parents too much because you truly are the weirdest…” The younger asserted, a little worried, which made the chuckle turn into a laughter. “What are you even laughing at?”

“My aunt”, the older answered. “She was so brave, walking up to a boy and calling him handsome just like that. I could never… Could you, Soobin-ah?”

“You ask _me_? Of course I couldn’t.” 

“Thank God we don’t have to, then.”

“We… don’t?”

“We’re both handsome and right beside each other, aren’t we?” Yeonjun said as he got away from Soobin’s arms by standing up, soon turning around to face him. “C’mon, Soobin-ah, we still have one thing to do. We have to bury my aunt.”

“Jesus Christ, _hyung_ , don’t say it like that…” Soobin groaned. “It’s like we’re carrying a corpse or something.”

The blue haired thought about it for a second. “Yeah, you have a point. Sorry. So let’s go and bury my aunt’s _journal_. Better?”

“Tremendously better”, the other retorted in a way that made him laugh again. “Isn’t the journal in your backpack? You’re going to pick it up or…?” Soobin was referring to their backpacks laying on the sand behind him. Yeonjun shrugged. “Well, we should leave them here. Song- _hyung_ ’s family’s things are right there, too.”

“Sure, just get the journal and let’s go.”

“What about Song- _hyung_? And Miss Pinkie?”

“Song- _hyung_ is with his family, Soobin-ah, and Miss Pinkie is in her resort. That’s where they should be.”

Soobin nodded and turned around to bring Yeonjun’s backpack closer to him, in which he found the pink journal with blue butterflies right away. When he turned back, the one standing had already stretched out his hand to help him get up. He took it and finally rose from the sandy ground. But the other never let go of his hand once their feet moved forward. 

The two of them walked until they reached a spot where no one seemed to be around. Neither too close to the shoreline nor too far from it, they kneeled down, one in front of the other, and started digging in the sand. After a few minutes, Yeonjun told Soobin it was more than enough, and they stopped. The older then sat on his heels, followed by the younger. 

“I know this isn’t an actual burial or anything, but I still want to say some things about my aunt…” Yeonjun said, taking the journal — which had been placed next to the hole so they would be able to dig — in his hands and pressing it against his chest. “I mean, _to_ my aunt, because I know she’s listening. Soobin-ah, is it okay with you?”

“Sure,” Soobin nodded without even thinking, “sure, _hyung_ , whatever you feel like doing.”

Yeonjun nodded back, smiling, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Auntie,” he spoke softly, “thank you for existing in this world. For having lived, for still living inside our hearts. You even come and visit me in my dreams, always making sure I know that I’m not alone, that love is transcendental. So I hope you know that I love you too, auntie. I hope you know you’ll always be remembered by those who you loved and loved you back. Those are the ones who really matter, who bring us peace after all…” The tears began to roll down his face again. “Which is something I’ll always try to remember as well. At least I have Soobin to help me with that, even if… even if he’s moving away soon.”

When Soobin heard that, he also felt like crying, though he tried hard not to. Once staring at Yeonjun, he had now lowered his head and fixed his eyes on his own trembling hands. 

“And speaking of Soobinie,” the blue haired went on with a sweet smile, “thank you for giving us a reason to finally be brave and have such an adventure together, just the two of us. It’s been a personal dream of mine for years now, and at last we have this opportunity. So thank you, auntie. Thank you, love you, wish you the best. I don’t know if things between me and you are going to be like before… but, well… I’d rather let you rest in peace. If this means we’ll never meet again in my dreams, I’m looking forward to meeting you in the next life…” That was when he opened his eyes and sniffed as he put the journal in the hole. “Goodbye, auntie.”

Soobin smiled at his dear Yeonjun- _hyung_ , whom chuckled at his dear Soobinie in return. “Your eyes are almost disappearing,” this one pointed, “so puffy from you crying.”

“It’s not my fault you’re so cold!” The other exclaimed. “So, so cold, Soobin-ah!”

“I’m not cold!”

“You are!”

“Shut up!... Uh, _hyung_ … The journal…”

“Oh, true! My God, auntie, I’m so sorry…”

So they did bury the journal in the sandy ground. Not even a minute later they were running towards the sea, taking off their shirts, flip flops, and the phones out of their pockets. There they would splash water on each other, chase after each other, knock each other over… everything they could to enjoy the moment they never had even as kids. Now they were free. Now they _felt_ free — especially the anxious Soobin, who would always worry about what he _should_ do, not what he _felt_ like doing. It was all different this time. 

There was something in the air. Somehow — or because of the presence of the brave Haeun — the black haired was feeling braver than ever. 

When the two boys got tired, they sat exactly where the sea met the sand. Silence took over for a couple of minutes, Yeonjun with his eyes closed and Soobin gazing at the horizon. Suddenly, the blue haired let out one of his infamous giggles.

“What?” Soobin asked. “What now?”

“It feels like we’re in _Moonlight_ ”, Yeonjun replied. They were looking at each other now. “You know, _Moonlight_ , the movie. When they were at the beach.”

“Feels more like ‘Sunlight’. It’s too early for us to be thinking of moonlight…” Both of them laughed. “Also, in that scene, didn’t they…? I mean, from what I remember…”

“Yeah, but I’m not talking about that particular bit, you pervert.” 

“I’m not a pervert, I’m just saying! Because that really stuck with him, the first and only time someone touched him and stuff… You may say it feels like the movie since it feels so peaceful here, but that scene wasn’t peaceful at all. It was a turning point for him!”

“...Soobin?”

“What?!”

“Are you actually mad or is there something you want to tell me?”

Soobin scoffed. “Whatever.”

At that instant he stood up and ran into the sea once again. He only stopped when he knew it was deep enough for him to sit down comfortably, the water reaching his chest as he did. Though it didn’t take long until he heard someone else coming that way, splashing water with their feet.

“I can’t believe all this time you…” Soobin tried to articulate the right words. “I can’t believe you’ve known all this time. I really can’t.”

“I’ve known…?” Yeonjun retorted, tumbling as he sat down next to him. “I’ve known what?” 

The younger chuckled, never turning to look at him. “You’re not dumb, you just say you are. I know you.”

“You talk too much about _knowing_ …” The older shrugged. “Too little about _feeling_ , though.”

“What does that even mean?”

“That you want to rationalize everything. And sometimes — shocking! — you simply can’t. And it’s _okay_ , Soobin-ah. You don’t have to.” 

“Easy for you to say. You’ve been okay with your feelings all your life. You’re emotional, sensitive. What am I? What have you just called me back there?”

“Oh, Soobin-ah, I’m sorry—” 

“Don’t bother.”

“Please, don’t be mad…” 

“I _like_ you. How can I actually be mad?”

“Well, I like you, too.”

“I don’t mean it like that.”

“Neither do I!” Yeonjun exclaimed playfully as he smiled. “It’s not even… To say I like you isn’t even enough. I _love_ you, Soobin-ah. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember and—”

“See, _hyung_ , that’s the damn problem!” Soobin cut him off again, this time actually looking at him. “I like you _more_ than a friend! And I love you, yes, but I’m also _in love_ with you! I… I even… I even thought you knew! I did, but… Clearly you have no fucking clue! Fuck!”

Yeonjun waited a few seconds until Soobin could breathe normally again. Only then he got closer to him, which made the tetchy one instantly turn his face away. “Soobin-ah,” the blue haired said, “ _you_ are the one who have no clue. I have loved you — yes, _loved_ you — more than a friend since we became best friends as _children_. What I’ve known all this time…” He stopped to take a deep breath. “What I’ve really known all this time is that we’re soulmates. And that’s that.” 

“Soulmates?” Soobin let out another chuckle. “Like, for real?”

“For real.” 

“What if we’re not?”

“But we are.”

“How can you be so sure?” He raised an eyebrow at the smiley one. “Your… Your aunt told you…?” 

“Oh, no, she didn’t tell me anything. I just know we are. It’s a feeling that _never_ went away, not even when we fought, not even for a second.”

The black haired solemnly lowered his head for a moment. “I wonder why you never told me that.”

“Well, that’s not something you say out of the blue, is it? And it’s not like I ever felt entitled to you, to what we could have. Don’t you forget I used to think somehow you knew there was a possibility I could like you more than a friend and… and because of it you stopped sleeping in the same bed as me. All these years I chose not to say anything and still have you close rather than risk losing you forever.”

“My God…”

Yeonjun frowned. “What?”

“We’ve just been tormenting ourselves all along. We…” Soobin gulped. “We’ve wasted so much time.”

“How have we wasted time if we’ve always been together? I see you more than I see my own parents!”

“Again, easy for you to say.”

“How so?”

“You’ve always felt free to be affectionate with me because you’re naturally touchy. When it comes to me, I… I’ve always denied myself that. In my head, I don’t know… It kinda felt like I’d be violating you.”

All of a sudden Yeonjun went on to sit on Soobin’s lap. “I understand,” he said, gazing down at the other, whom had obviously widened his eyes in shock, “but you don’t have to worry about it now. There’s no problem in asking either, you know, if you’re still in doubt.” 

“Right”, Soobin breathed. “So do you… do you feel like kissing me… right now?”

“Right now, yes,” Yeonjun cupped the other’s face and brought it closer to his own, “and most times, really.”

And so their lips touched. And touched and touched and kept touching. Until Soobin lost his balance and fell back into the water, bringing Yeonjun down with him. They laughed as they pulled away from each other’s arms instinctively in order to avoid swallowing more seawater. That was also when they heard Song calling their names from afar, and when both of them looked he was holding two bright-blue popsicles. How considerate of him. They hadn’t even used tongue yet, but, like… there was still time. That guy was just too nice for them to ditch him.

Song was so nice that he even offered to pay for their stay at Pinkie’s Resort. Yeonjun and Soobin tried to decline it, they really did, but the man insisted. Miss Pinkie promised them she would give him the discount she always gave whenever he decided to come with his family. It wasn’t the top suite anyway, so why not. They would just stay the night and leave the next day. Not necessarily leave town but definitely the resort, for staying more than one night for free would be outrageous. 

“Seeing Song with his children…” Soobin said as they entered their new room. He and Yeonjun took off their shoes and walked over to the table under the TV, leaving both of their backpacks there. “I keep thinking about my mother. I blocked her number… and my father’s… but now I keep thinking about them.” 

“You know, Soobin-ah,” Yeonjun replied with a smile and threw himself onto the king size bed, “there’s one name for that: guilt. Especially…” He breathed deeply. “Especially now that we’ve kissed.”

“It’s not that, it’s…” The younger shrugged. “It’s just that I wish I could tell her things. I wish things shouldn’t have to be this way.”

“Are you saying you wish you could tell her about us?” 

“Kinda, yes. About everything. Us, your aunt, this trip. Everything.” 

“I understand. I wish I could tell my mom too, but, like… she’d probably just call me a whore and stuff. That’s life, I guess.” 

“At least we have each other.” 

“Yes, we do. Fuck moms. Fuck parents!” 

“And family altogether!” 

They laughed. Soobin made his way to the bathroom and Yeonjun sat on the bed, the latter looking in the former’s direction. “My God, they have a bathtub!” Soobin exclaimed from where he was. “And it’s fancy! Come see, _hyung_!”

His _hyung_ did go. “Wooooow,” Yeonjun cried the moment he laid his eyes on it, “that’s fancy _fancy_! What the fuck!” 

“Like, I always thought bathtubs were gross, but that one… I’m seriously thinking about giving it a try.” 

“Good idea. It fits two people comfortably.”

“What?” Soobin immediately goggled at the other starting to take off his clothes. “Two people?”

“Yeah, silly, you and me!” Yeonjun confirmed, never stopping. “C’mon, let’s not waste any more time. After all, Soobin-ah, we do leave tomorrow. Go grab the champagne!” 

“Are you crazy?! We’re still minors!” 

“As if it ever stopped a minor from drinking. Now go and don’t forget to bring the glasses, I saw them on the table.”

Seeing that the next piece of clothing Yeonjun would be taking off was his underwear, Soobin looked away and hurried to leave the bathroom. He felt his face burn like it had been set on fire. There was an urge to seize the opportunity and simply run away, because facing the one he had been in love for years _naked_ was definitely too much. This shouldn’t be uncommon between friends, seeing each other like that, but it had always been different with those two. And not for nothing, of course. 

But then there they were, each one in one end of the bathtub, legs bent with knees up. When Soobin had finally gotten up the courage to go back into the bathroom, Yeonjun was already inside the tub, waiting all smiles for him. He noticed the other was shy, so he closed his eyes until he heard and felt the water splashing in front of him. There wasn’t foam, just plain hot water. 

“I get that you’re embarrassed”, Yeonjun said as he opened his eyes again. “I thought it would be easier, but it isn’t. It really is embarrassing…” 

“I think… I think that’s how everyone must feel at the beginning…” Soobin coughed. “Before they… you know… for the first time.”

“Do you… Do you think we should? Like… tonight, I mean?”

“I… I don’t know, _hyung_ …”

“Do you want to?”

The black haired hid his reddish face between his knees. “Honestly,” he said with a muffled voice, “how can you ask me such a question. It’s not fair. I don’t know!”

“Soobin-ah, I’m sorry!” The blue haired yelped. “I didn’t mean to throw the burden on you, I swear!” 

“Alright, let’s just stop talking about that, please…”

“But if it _does_ happen, let me tell you one thing: you can do whatever you want to me. I trust you. I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“ _Hyung_ ,” he raised his head, “I’ve never done it before. Like, ever. I _could_ hurt you… accidentally, but still.”

“Well, we don’t have to go too far tonight anyway.” 

“We haven’t even kissed a second time…” 

“Don’t even _worry_ about that. You say I’m touchy and clingy but you’ve actually seen nothing yet! Nothing!”

After a few more laughs and splashes, Yeonjun got out of the tub — which almost made the other pass out because he didn’t give a single warning before doing it — and was soon followed by Soobin. They put on the resort robes and flip flops, only then filling those fancy glasses with champagne. The taste wasn’t that great, though it wasn’t terrible either, so they drank it. Once they realized it would give them a little more courage to do what they wanted to do, they drank it _fast_. Yeonjun and Soobin kept talking about their classmates back home, wondering what they would say if they knew the two model students had _run away_ and were now drinking _alcohol._ Wow, weren’t they such badasses! 

By the time they finished the bottle, Soobin could be found lying in bed, crying for some reason, while Yeonjun would still be in the bathroom, talking nonsense as he gulped down the last drop of champagne in his glass. 

“Soobin-ah! Soobin-ah, aren’t you listening?” Yeonjun said when he finally realized he wasn’t getting a single reply. “Oh, my God, are you _crying_?”

“I’m sorry!” Soobin whimpered. “I just feel like crying because… because I don’t know what to do!” 

“What to do? What to do about… what?” 

“About wanting to taste you so badly!” 

He talked in such a way that made Yeonjun burst out laughing. “ _Taste_ me?”

“Yes, you! Your lips! Your whole body!” Soobin cried as he rolled and rolled in bed like the crazy person he had become. “But it feels so wrong! Is it wrong, _hyung_? Is it?!”

At a stroke, the blue haired dropped the glass on the carpet floor and climbed on top of the big crybaby. He brought his face closer to the other’s, obviously so that they could ultimately kiss again, but he was stopped by some long fingers pressed against his plump lips. 

“Get off me”, the black haired sobbed. It was funny how he was trying really hard not to look at those lips. “Why are you like this?”

“But I thought you—”

“Please, I’m getting hard. Can’t you feel it? Oh, God, why am _I_ like this!”

Yeonjun chuckled. “I should tell you something, then.”

“What?”

“I’m getting hard, too.” 

Soobin couldn’t take it anymore and pulled Yeonjun’s face down all of a sudden, kissing him as if he needed that secondary taste of champagne to survive. But Yeonjun was the one who started moving his hips and pressing their crotches together, also without warning, until they moaned loudly for the first time. It startled both of them to the point that they just… stopped. And they stared at each other for a while, their mouths all slobbery. While Yeonjun giggled at their obvious lack of skills, Soobin pulled his whole body down this time, and then to the side, becoming the one on top. 

Unlike almost every moment — and perhaps for the first time — in his life, Soobin was completely out of control. And Yeonjun, who was now receiving kisses all over his neck, had never felt so loose.

When it came to tasting the blue haired as whole, Soobin did his best to prove he wasn’t kidding. To be honest, he almost came solely by sucking on Yeonjun’s right nipple — not only because it was indeed so amazingly _tasty_ , but also due to his oh-so-sweet moans, absolute music to the other’s ears —, though he managed to keep it together. The black haired spent less time on the left nipple as a result, moving on to a trail of wet kisses from below the nipple and down to his belly button. Before he continued, he gazed up at his dearest as a way to ask if it was okay to do it. 

Yeonjun nodded, and Soobin naturally lowered his head to go on, but then the former pulled the latter’s face back up. “Don’t go all the way… you know…” He urged. “Because I want to… I want to come… with you.”

As if Soobin had lost his voice, he simply brought his face closer to Yeonjun’s and planted yet another kiss on his lips. That wasn’t exactly a promise, but it sure felt reassuring to the one under him. 

However, Yeonjun soon found out he had been deceived. At first Soobin was really going slow on him, showing he was willing to honor his wish, and in the blink of an eye he changed his pace, speeding up like crazy. For a moment the older even thought the younger had forgotten because, well, he actually _cried_ so that he’d be able to taste him… though the look in his eyes said differently. He _knew_ what he was doing. 

“You… You bastard!” Yeonjun attempted at cursing in the middle of moaning. “Soobin… Soobin-ah, st… stop, I told you…” And then he was laughing, moaning _and_ cursing. He even pulled Soobin’s hair but it was also ineffective. There was no strength in him anyway. “God, I… I hate you so… much…”

In the next few seconds Yeonjun’s whole body trembled as he came. His back was arched and his fingernails were almost cutting into the other’s scalp. Soobin swallowed all that spilled out of him, and the funniest thing was that he started gagging and coughing right after he did. He threw himself right next to Yeonjun, trying to control those damn coughs, which made the blue haired laugh just too hard. 

“That’s what happens when you choose to betray me!” Yeonjun yelled in order to be heard. “You son of a bitch, it’s what you deserve!” 

“Shut up!” Soobin said through the coughs. “Don’t be so ungrateful!”

“Alright, alright, just go drink some water before you pass out.” 

And he did go. Soobin was still hard and a little dizzy but he got out of bed without any more complaints, walking over to the frigobar. He took a bottle from its interior and drank the water until it was merely half-empty. The coughs ceased almost instantly. 

“What a view”, Yeonjun joked as the other stood there, next to the table, with the robe wide open and a bottle of water in his hands. The frigobar could be found underneath that table. “Who would’ve thought, Soobin-ah…”

“Who would’ve thought?” Soobin scoffed. “Me. I have always thought. Have always _dreamed_ of this moment…” Then he made his way back to the bed, had the bottle been left on the table. Yeonjun could see Soobin was tipsy, but hey, he was, too. “And I’m sorry to have done the opposite of what you told me to do. I couldn’t help it.”

The younger laid down next to the older, whose fingers stroked his cheek gently. “Couldn’t help it…” This one chuckled. “How so?” 

“I have no idea. Maybe my greatest pleasure, after all, is to please you.”

“Or maybe it isn’t.”

“Why?” 

“You still haven’t come, have you?”

Yeonjun’s lips moved forward to meet Soobin’s once more, and his fingers trailed the other’s body down to his — now — most sensitive part. He stroked his length just as he had stroked his cheek, _gently_. It didn’t take long for Soobin to become a moaning mess, hiding his face in Yeonjun’s neck and fidgeting desperately. When he came, he stayed in the exact same position, allowing his dearest to bring him even closer and fully embrace him. 

“I love you”, Yeonjun whispered. “I hope you never forget that.” 

A single tear rolled down Soobin’s cheek. “I wish I didn’t love you this much,” he wept, “because soon I’ll be leaving you.” 

“Yeah… Well, about that… Not really.”

“Not really? I’ll be going to Seoul as soon as the summer is over. It’s not that far away but it’s still a whole different city, _hyung_.”

“I’ll be going there as well.”

“To accompany me?” 

“No, to be a trainee. You know BTS’s company, BigHit? I passed one of their auditions. First place, as put in the email.”

“You _what_?!”

“I know, I’m sorry for not telling you. I didn’t tell my parents either… or anyone else, for that matter. I went there by myself.”

“But since when… since when have you known you passed?”

“A few hours ago, when we were eating popsicles.”

“Dear Lord…” Soobin muttered, then breathed deeply. “I’m too drunk to discuss it. Let’s sleep. Let me dream about hitting you for not telling me.” 

Yeonjun chuckled. “Good call.” 

All night long they slept. Neither of them had any dreams. 

In the morning, Soobin still couldn’t believe it. He listened to Yeonjun attentively while he talked about his secret trip to Seoul, the one he did all alone, and how he didn’t want anybody to know because he never thought he would actually pass. The blue haired had done it for one reason only: he hadn’t gotten into any colleges, so why not give it a try. He could sing and dance and stuff. At least he wouldn’t be settling for nothing. 

Later they had breakfast at the resort itself, which was free just as their stay, and, when they decided it came time to leave, they met Song and Miss Pinkie in the lobby for the last time. The man and the woman knew that the boys had come down from their room and were now eating, so it was only natural for them to wait and say goodbye. They all hugged, and of course Song, Miss Pinkie and Yeonjun had to shed some tears while at it. Since Soobin wasn’t emotionally involved, he was all smiles — at the end of the day, his love was requited and the one he loved would stay close to him for many years yet to come. He couldn’t be otherwise. 

“You know,” Soobin said as they headed to the bus station after leaving the resort, “it’s funny to think that, if it all works out and you get to debut, we’re not only going to have to hide from our parents, but also the company and your future fans. And the whole wide world.” 

“Well, the _sasaengs_ will definitely know”, Yeonjun replied, to which they both laughed. “They always know everything.”

“It’ll make them very angry…”

“Indeed. But what can one in love do, right?” He went on to hold the other’s hand. “And speaking of love, I have something quite important to ask you.”

“Ask away, then.”

“Will you try to be happy even if I’m not around?”

Soobin frowned. “What do you mean?” 

“Simply that I’ll probably not be around as much as I would like. And you as well, you’ll be busy because of college, I’ll be busy because of practising. So… if we take too long to meet again after a while…”

“Are you giving me permission to be with someone else? Is that it?”

“How would I be _able_ to give you permission if I don’t own you?” Yeonjun shrugged. “I don’t believe in such a thing. What I’m saying is, you should live your life regardless of me. And we should learn to be happy without each other.” 

“I… Yeah, well… You do have a point… But then, do we _want_ to?”

“Of course we don’t. For now, until we go… We can pretend we don’t know any better.”

“So…”

“...Yes?”

“Permission to be young, cheesy and in love, captain?”

“Permission granted, officer.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooo... last chapter is here. i know!!!!!!! sorry about the delay!!!!!!!!! 
> 
> i’m considering writing an extra chapter on soobin’s and yeonjun’s lives after his debut, though. i mean, taehyun, beomgyu and hueningkai could guest appear... and stuff... who knows.
> 
> anyways, hope you enjoyed this shortfic! thanks sososososo much for reading! have a great day :D


	4. lilac (extra chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quarantine made me do it. hope y’all enjoy tho :)))) and be safe! wear a mask! use hand sanitizer!
> 
> p.s.: yes, i’ve been studying tarot. of course i’d mention it here.

“Oh, my God, did you dye your hair _again_?”

Soobin would almost never say hi to Yeonjun in the beginning of their video calls. It seemed like his _hyung_ had a new look every time they got to talk on camera, so it was always a surprise.

“They’re still not sure about the color I’m going to debut with,” Yeonjun replied to the other’s question, “clearly.” And they laughed. He could see that Soobin was at the study desk in his dorm, probably still doing assignments, while he himself was in bed. Also, his notebook was beside his phone — which was somehow standing on the desk — for sure. “You’re not busy, are you?”

“No, I’m never busy for you”, Soobin said in the sweetest manner. “I’m just finishing a few things and it will be very, very quick. How about you, are you busy?”

Yeonjun chuckled. “I’m busier than you most times, but not tonight, thank the gods.”

“The gods?” The younger chuckled back. “Have you become a polytheist now?”

“Not yet. But now I’m a city boy so I’ve been thinking of becoming a witch.”

“Wait, what is the correlation between being a city boy and becoming a witch? Am I supposed to become one, too?”

“Sure, we’d be witchy boyfriends”, the older playfully suggested. “And the correlation is, we’re in a big city now. People are more tolerant and accepting of pagan religions… allegedly.”

“Yeah, allegedly. I haven’t met a witch here just yet.”

“I have, but one only. She’s an assistant makeup artist and she’s always doing tarot readings for people here.”

“Let me guess: she did one for you.”

“Of course she did. I asked her if she could do a relationship… spread, I think. Something like that. She did a quick one because we had to go and rehearse.”

“A relationship spread? Like, a reading on us and stuff?”

“Yes! Curious?”

“To be very honest it kinda freaks me out.”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes. “You’re prejudiced. I bet you think it’s evil.”

“Not at all, honey”, Soobin responded with a smile. “Sorry for saying that, I just don’t want it to be… negative, you know? The reading.”

“It wasn’t. But it did tell us to beware…”

“Of…?”

“Dwelling on the past. We have to learn how to be happy in the present without living in the past.”

The black haired widened his eyes. (The other was now lilac haired.) “Wow. How much did you tell her about us?”

“Literally nothing. I just asked, ‘Could you do one on my relationship?’, and she said, like, ‘Sure, let me just finish your makeup and I’ll do it’. She’d call you ‘the person you’re with’ or ‘your partner’, though, so perhaps she didn’t make assumptions.”

“I see… but, wait, did she talk about me specifically?”

“Oh, yeah. I still remember your card, actually. Seven of Pentacles.”

“Seven… seven is a good number, isn’t it? Please tell me it’s a good number… and card.”

“Well, long story short, you’re upset that our relationship isn’t exactly an easy one. She even said that’s why you, as well as me, keep dwelling on the past. You know, to cope.”

“Oh”, Soobin gasped… because it was indeed true. “And, uh, what about your card?”

“It said I’m set to become more active in my romantic life again… and that it’s going to be even better… so don’t be upset, Soobin-ah. She assured me it’s only a matter of time.” 

He sighed. “I hope so. And I’m not upset with you, okay? Just with… life, I guess. It’s been a whole semester, after all… so… I miss you. I miss you so much…”

When Soobin started to cry, Yeonjun had to hold back his own tears. He had to be the strong one this time, because, yes, they were both introverts, but Soobin hadn’t made any friends yet. Yeonjun, on the other hand, had already made three: Beomgyu, Taehyun and Huening Kai, or simply his group members. And counting, since everyone in the BigHit building loved him — which was so different from home. So. Damn. Different.

“I wish I could take all your sadness and be sad all by myself”, Yeonjun whispered closer to the phone, as if he was doing it in his dearest’s ears. “I miss you too, Soobinie. But I do have good news. You won’t feel upset anymore, I prom—”

“What news?” Soobin asked right away, as he wiped his tears, which made them both chuckle. “Do tell.”

“We’re free this weekend, me and the boys. You can finally come and see me… and meet them.”

“Do I have to meet them to see you, though? Like…”

“They’re nice, I swear they are! Also, don’t you want to meet the guys I spend almost all the time with? I know you’re curious.”

“I am, but at the same time… I don’t know. But I’ll do it. I’d do anything for you.” 

“ _Anything_ , oh, my God…” Yeonjun stared at the screen in disbelief. Soobin was (not so) surprisingly laughing his balls off. “They’re just people! And they’re younger than us, they can’t do much!”

Suddenly the door of Yeonjun’s room sprung open, revealing a sleepy Beomgyu, whom was also in his BT21 pajamas. 

“Are you done, _hyung_?” He asked, to which Yeonjun furrowed his eyebrows. “It’s 5 past 10 already.”

“I barely even started”, the lilac haired retorted. “I told you he was going to call at 10.”

“May I at least sleep in my bed?” _Yep. He was Yeonjun’s roommate._

“Yes, you may. Though you may NOT hear, understand?”

“Sure, I’ll be listening to music. Tell me when you’re done so I can turn it off.”

“Gladly.” Yeonjun then waited for him to lie in bed, put on his earphones and pick a playlist. He only went back to his precious Soobin once he heard some stuffy music coming from the earphones. “Sorry about that. You might be right.”

“Told you”, Soobin shrugged jokingly. “By the way, which color is _his_ hair now?”

“Light brown. It’s been like that for a while so maybe that’s the one for him. Or not. We’ll probably never know.”

“Jesus Christ. You should all pray for your hair so it won’t fall out, no kidding.”

“Jesus Christ? Nah, I’ll be praying to Aphrodite now. And I even think she’ll be more understanding, since she’s the goddess of beauty.”

“You have a point.”

“You have a clever boyfriend. I used to be your stupid best friend, now look at us.”

“No, you’ve always been clever. You’ve _always_ been the two kinds of cute.”

“It’s the duality in me, what can I do?” Soon Yeonjun saw Soobin chuckling at something beside his phone. “What is it?”

“I just looked up ‘Aphrodite’ on Google,” he chuckled harder, “and apparently she’s also the goddess of homosexuals.”

“It’s because she’s the goddess of sex, sexuality, all of those things…” Yeonjun clarified, and then he thought of something funny. “You should worship her, though. Suits you well.”

“Are you calling me a homo?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you, _bi yourself._ ”

“That’s not a lie either.” 

“It’s going to be a lie this weekend”, Soobin pointed as he gave the other a broad smile. “By the way, how are we… how are we meeting? Do I go there, to the building, or…?”

“Yeah, sure. You come this Saturday, meet the boys, have the tour… and then we can go outside and have something to eat. Or drink. Or eat _and_ drink. Your call.”

“So we’re having alone time?”

“Yes! We can even go to my room and… I don’t know, whatever you want.” Yeonjun blushed. “They’re going to be rehearsing, like, willingly. As if…”

“Now I see that they’re the good boys and _you_ lead them on.”

“They don’t have boyfriends, do they?”

“Well, that’s expected”, the black haired shrugged again. “Do they know? About us, I mean. About you.”

“Let me ask”, the other said, turning his head to the side. “Hey, Beomgyu-ya! Beomgyu-ya, look here! Take off one earphone!”

“Yes, _hyung_?” Soobin could hear Beomgyu say it.

“Do you know who Choi Soobin is?”

“Isn’t he your boyfriend?”

“Damn right he is. Now go back to your music, thank you.”

“Honestly…”

“Poor guy”, Soobin giggled. “Leave him alone, Choi Yeonjun!”

“Since you’ve mentioned it, he’s also a Choi. We’re all family here. He’s our son.”

“We gotta work hard then, to pay the bills.”

“You won’t need to work too hard. I’m going to be rich. I’m under BigHit Entertainment, for Christ’s sake.”

“You’re not going to be my sugar daddy, _hyung._ Stop trying to make it happen.”

“It’s always worth the try!”

They talked a little more gibberish before saying their goodbyes, and Yeonjun turned to Beomgyu, whom was avidly texting someone.

“Who the fuck are you texting?!” The older yelled so the younger could hear him through the earphones. “Choi Beomgyuuuuuuuu!”

“Shut up, _hyung_!” He heard Huening Kai yell from his and Taehyun’s room. “We’re trying to sleep here!”

“Fuck off!”

“What the hell is going on?” Beomgyu asked, eyes wide open, finally taking his earphones off. 

“It’s your fault. I was yelling so you could hear me.” 

“Fuck you…” He said, to which Yeonjun reacted with a whole death stare. “ _Hyung_.”

“That’s right. But for real, though, how do you feel about meeting my boyfriend this weekend? All good?”

“Of course it’s all good, why wouldn’t it be? You know we’re not prejudiced, _hyung_. Really, it’s alright.”

“Prejudice?” Yeonjun laughed it off. “What I meant was, you’re not going to fall in love with my boyfriend, are you?”

“My God, _hyung_!” Beomgyu cried, throwing a pillow at him. “Of course not! I’m not even—”

“Nope, don’t lie. You fall for everyone who’s slightly nice to you. You literally fell for the three of us, one, like, each month.”

“How would you even know that?”

“Because you’d start to treat us differently and be more affectionate and stuff. And then you’d move on to the next one.” 

“That’s…” The brown haired chuckled nervously. “That’s so _not_ true.”

“C’mon, Beomgyu-ya. You’re a Pisces. We know, and we love you either way.”

“Don’t say that… or I might fall in love with you again.”

The two of them laughed so hard Huening Kai complained once more. “ _Hyung_ ,” and this time he was referring to Beomgyu, “you’re going to rehearse tomorrow, too! You said you wanted to sleep so shut up! And go to sleep!”

“Beomgyu-ya, Beomgyu-ya,” Yeonjun called as he tried not to make any more (loud) noise, “you know, I don’t have a problem with that. I’m not jealous, that’s not about jealousy. Like, he literally has ‘permission’ to be with other people.”

“Oh, really?” Beomgyu gasped. “But I thought when you were in a relationship…”

“Yeah, some people are like that. Soobin’s like that. He doesn’t want to be with anyone else. So…”

“I don’t stand a chance.”

“I knew it! I’ve never even shown you a picture of him! Fucking Pisces!”

“I’m sorry,” the younger pretended to cry, “he’s so cute already from what you say about him! Can’t help it!”

“You’re hopeless, Beomgyu-ya.”

Meanwhile, Soobin was falling asleep at his desk. He could feel himself go, as if he were leaving his body, ascending… and in a flash he simply stopped feeling. And there was nothing. Or maybe there was darkness. It was very hard to hell since he couldn’t see or feel at that time. 

He woke up on a beach, at a table guarded by its parasol’s shade. Yes, a random table, though not any beach. _Sokcho_ Beach. The magical one where all the unbelievable things can happen. But there was a notable difference: it wasn’t crowded like it always is, especially during the summer. The only other person Soobin’s eyes were able to find was a young woman gracefully walking on the sand, close to the shoreline. As she got closer, he realized that she looked just like Yeonjun. She was even wearing a lilac dress, which couldn’t be a coincidence. He knew who she was. 

“Aunt Haeun”, Soobin said under his breath when she finally reached the table.

“Soobin- _ssi_ ”, she smiled. “We meet at last.” 

He was mesmerized by her beauty and grace, thus the words came out sort of messy. “That’s… That’s true, I… I don’t… I…” 

“I mean,” Haeun ignored his stammering, “you’re always here. I always see you here, sometimes seated, sometimes standing up. I like to guess where you are in real life from your positions.”

“What do you mean?”

“You daydream about this place. A lot. Almost 24/7.” Soobin was a little embarrassed, so he looked down at his hands on the table. Haeun then sat on the chair next to him. “But I get the appeal, I do. That’s why I’ve wanted to come back ever since I left.”

“Does Yeonjun come back here as well?” The boy had to ask.

“He does,” she nodded, “but not as much. He’s always busy, isn’t he? It’s so fast when Yeonjunie comes, so quick. I can sense he wants to stay… but something, or someone, pulls him back every time.”

“Yeah, he’s training to be an idol. To be very honest, I was aware he’d be busy… but not _this_ busy, you know? And it’s not his fault. I’m not mad at him or anything, I just—”

“Feel like he’s moving on with his life while you stay the same, in the same spot?”

“This is so selfish…” Soobin gazed up at her again, and then at the sea. “It’s almost like I don’t want him to grow, to… to be better. To be happier.”

“Because he seems happier than before?” 

“Definitely. He’s got friends now, real friends. And I might be afraid to meet them because I don’t want to… I don’t want to feel like…” At this point he was trying really hard not to cry. “Like I couldn’t make him happier. Like I still can’t.”

“My dear,” Haeun put her hands over his, “there’s one thing you must understand: his new friends are not the _only_ reason he’s happier. There’s a new environment, a new purpose… and the promise of a new life with you.”

“You really think so?”

“I _know_ so. I know my Yeonjunie. I can feel them in my heart, all the things he feels.”

“What about the things he says? You two don’t talk anymore?”

“He released me that day, remember?” Her smile found its way back. “You, on the other hand…”

“Oh, my God”, Soobin grasped in shock. “I should’ve had?”

“I’m as clueless as you are, trust me. But the fact is, we’re here, we’re talking. Perhaps I still owed you one… you know, for taking such good care of my Yeonjunie.”

“I love him. Always have. That was never trouble.”

“Of course not”, Haeun shrugged gently. “And that’s the thing. You miss taking care of him. You miss being his powerhouse, the one he always ran to. I know it because we took turns, me and you. And now…”

“He doesn’t need us.”

“No. He doesn’t _depend_ on us. Those are very different things.”

The boy thought about it for a while. “Okay,” he chuckled, “maybe I need therapy.”

“That, yes,” she giggled, “and a new purpose. That’s what got Yeonjun going.”

“But what should that be?”

“Well, I do wish you good luck on finding out.”

“Wait—”

“Goodbye, Soobinie.”

Soobin woke up again, this time for real, at his study desk. When he checked his phone to see the time, he realized the alarm was about to ring. It was morning already. 

And soon it was the weekend. On Saturday, the first thing Soobin did when he left campus on his bike was go to a bookstore. He had the idea of buying a book on witchcraft so Yeonjun could begin his “initiation”, or whatever it was called. The lilac haired would probably never do it, since the company never seemed to give him a break, but it was worth the try. He would love to own it anyway.

While Soobin was at it, the cashier lady insisted he also buy a tarot deck that had just arrived, one with an instruction booklet inside and everything. He bought it. He even searched on YouTube if he could do a reading himself. As the tarot reader in the video commanded, Soobin took the deck in his hands, thought about the question in the process of shuffling the cards, and finally pulled one out. Its name was Nine of Swords. Reversed.

“Letting go of your ego’s need to control situations has given you freedom to let go*,” Soobin read out loud, “and to just be who you are*”. He stopped for a moment, as it reminded him of when he did it months ago. When he came out, when he confessed his love, when he gave in to desires of the flesh. “Feeling the spectrum of emotions is normal and will happen*”, he continued. “The difference is, now you have the tools to deal with them. You are prepared*.”

But what could the tools be? Yeonjun and Haeun? _Close_ , something in his mind said. Soobin still didn’t get it thus he pulled out one more card. Ten of Pentacles. Upright.

“Wealth circles around you holistically*,” he read, and smiled as he kept going, “continually supporting you with love, community and stability*.” 

And there they were. What made him feel free was the fact that he was loved. That somehow he had a community behind him. That even when he let go he felt safe.

By the time Soobin reached the BigHit building, it was almost as if he wasn’t the same, as if two simple tarot cards had changed his whole perspective on life. Yeonjun sensed it the second they met. He was waiting outside, had his dearest texted him saying he’d be arriving soon.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Soobin exclaimed as he squeezed Yeonjun in a hug. “I thought you’d lose weight, I was so worried!”

“I haven’t, I’ve gained muscles!” Yeonjun exclaimed in return. “And you feel lighter, but not physically speaking…” He broke off the hug so he could take a look at Soobin, whom was smiling fondly. “It’s just been a few days! C’mon, what happened?”

“There’s one thing I realized.”

“And what is it?”

“That what we have is not the purpose. It’s the catalyst.”

Yeonjun smiled and hugged him again. “You have no idea how bad it gets sometimes. I never tell you because I don’t want you to worry, because… well, it’s mostly my anxiety driving me crazy, and…” He held the other tighter. “Knowing that you’re there for me… that you can even come here when there’s time…”

“I feel the same”, Soobin assured, discreetly kissing the side of his head. “And do let me help you when you need it. I’m an expert, you know that.” They laughed. “Just kidding. Not an expert. Only a boyfriend.”

“As if!” Yeonjun broke off yet another hug. “You’re my soulmate. Don’t be so modest, Soobin-ah.”

“Sorry. Force of habit.”

“Don’t I know?” He started to pull Soobin towards the building. “Now come, let’s meet the _dongsaengs_.”

They went straight to the one rehearsal room available that day after taking the elevator. The others were either locked or being used by BTS’s backup dancers, which Soobin nearly passed out from hearing. It’d be like that every time Yeonjun told him about meeting BTS’s actual members in the corridors and things of the sort. He was a huge Jin stan, after all. Couldn’t help it.

Beomgyu, Taehyun and Huening Kai were in the middle of singing one of their debut tracks when Yeonjun bursted into the room. Poor Kai even dropped his mic from the scare.

“Deeeeaaarrrr members!” The older shouted. “I am extremely honored to introduce…” And passionately gestured for his dearest to enter the room. “The one and only, Choi Soobin.”

Soobin walked in with a shy smile on his face, bowing three times at a distance. They all bowed back, but Beomgyu almost forgot to do so. His jaw had immediately dropped from being oh-so stunned.

“ _Hyung_ , he’s so tall and handsome!” Taehyun told Yeonjun, soon realizing Soobin was literally there. “Really, you’re so tall and handsome. You look more like an idol than all of us combined.”

“That’s far from the truth, but thanks, I guess”, Soobin chuckled. “Sorry for interrupting your rehearsal by the way.”

“Don’t worry, we were all curious anyway”, Huening Kai guaranteed. “So… is it true? You’re actually…”

“Yeonjun’s boyfriend? Yes, I am.”

Beomgyu remained silent and still when the other two started to jump around the room, the younger even screaming like a mad person. It was the funniest scene to watch. Both Yeonjun and Soobin were laughing their heads off. 

“How can someone like you date Yeonjun- _hyung_?” Taehyun teased as they returned to their normal state. “He’s so goddamn annoying!”

“Take it back!” Yeonjun snapped, trying to contain his laughter.

“That’s his charm”, Soobin said. They all laughed, even the turned-statue Beomgyu, and Yeonjun playfully pushed him.

“That’s Beomgyu- _hyung_ ’s charm, too, but he’s surprisingly quiet today”, Kai pointed, looking directly at him. “Has the cat got your tongue?”

“Shut up”, Beomgyu retorted shyly. “It’s just that Yeonjun- _hyung_ never showed us a single picture of you so it’s quite astonishing, to be honest…”

“I’m aware,” the taller boy nodded, “he has always loved surprises.”

“Right, but now…” Huening Kai was now pointing his finger at them. “For us to have an actual confirmation, you have to kiss.”

“Huening Kai!” Beomgyu berated. 

“I mean it, what if they’re _queerbaiting_ us?” He said the English word, which caused the other two to frown in confusion. “What if it’s just pretend?”

“He has a point”, Taehyun agreed.

“But you want, like, a _kiss_ kiss?” The older worryingly asked. “Wouldn’t it be uncomfortable for them?”

“Of course not. C’mon, _hyungs_ , just a peck! Kiss, kiss, kiss!”

In no time the three of them were shouting “KISS!” and clapping and stomping their feet on the floor. And Yeonjun turned to Soobin, whom was covering his reddish face with those good, old giant hands he possessed. They both knew that when the older got close enough — especially pouting the way he was — the younger wouldn’t resist.

“Don’t you miss kissing these?” Yeonjun whispered, squinting his eyes so they could stress his plump, pouty lips.

“Yes,” Soobin faked a cry, “more than I should.”

Back in Yeonjun and Beomgyu’s dorm, as they closed the door behind them, the couple couldn’t stop laughing at the trio’s reaction to the kiss. Huening Kai, the king of reacting madly, had Naruto-run the rehearsal room in its entirety, while Taehyun had kneeled and then lied on the ground in fetal position. Beomgyu’s face had turned red as if it was happening to him, so he’d tried to cover it like Soobin seconds before. Long story short, it was chaos. An _amusing_ type of chaos. 

“Okay, you’ve met them, and I’m sorry”, Yeonjun quipped. “Now what’s your favorite little monster?”

“I liked how Taehyun called me tall and handsome right on the spot,” Soobin answered without hesitation, “not gonna lie.”

“Taehyunie indeed is fearless. He scares me sometimes.” The lilac haired threw himself onto the bed on the right, or the one that belonged to him. He watched the other place his backpack on the floor before walking towards him. “Are you actually wearing BT21 socks?” 

“Excuse me, these are _RJ_ socks.”

“Of course they are. Christ…”

“Oh, I almost forgot!” The younger kneeled in front of his backpack and took a plastic bag from inside it. “Thank the gods you’ve mentioned Christ.”

When Soobin got to the bed — as his _hyung_ thought, _at last_ — he lied next to Yeonjun and gave him the bag. “Is this…” He mumbled in shock. “Is this a present?”

“It sure is!”

“Soobin-ah, you shouldn’t have…”

“Don’t be so modest, sweetheart.”

“Sorry. Force of habit.” Yeonjun sat up to better open the present. “Oh, and there’s two of them! Been saving that much money, huh?”

“You know I almost don’t leave campus, so…”

“I can’t even say it’s because you’re sad, you’ve always been like that, a herm—OH MY GOD, ARE THESE TAROT CARDS? AND A WITCHCRAFT BOOK?”

“Yes and yes!” 

“Finally I’ll be able to protect myself against the _dongsaengs_!” He said, hugging the book and with one hand holding the deck, to which the other pushed him ever so slightly. “But really, Soobin-ah, thank you so much. You’re the sweetest guy on Earth.”

“I swear to God… I mean, to the gods…” Soobin chuckled. “I didn’t have selfish intentions when I bought you the book. The tarot thingy, however…”

“What? No… Did you do it yourself?”

“I did.”

“Oh, now I have my own tarot reader!”

“I’m certainly not certified yet, but…” He warned, laughing all over again when Yeonjun jumped on top of him. “Is this how you’re going to pay? Count me in, then!”

They had been kissing for a long while — and there was even extra stiffness down there — until they heard a few knocks on the door. Thinking it was one of the members, Yeonjun told Soobin that he shouldn’t worry, that they’d go away if they didn’t give them the attention. As soon as their lips touched again, there were more knocks. And a deep voice calling _“Choi Yeonjun?”_ from the other side.

“Fuck, will they ever leave me alone?” Yeonjun whispered as he got up from the top of Soobin. “I can’t believe I gotta talk to this guy, whoever he is, in this state!”

“Tie one of your jackets around your waist”, Soobin suggested. 

“Sure, and I’ll get one for you, too.”

The trainee grabbed most of his clothes in the closet and threw them on the floor. He told the student to choose one while he answered the door, his waist already covered. 

“Hello, sir”, Yeonjun greeted him with a fake smile. “I’m trying on clothes with my friend from SNU, as you can see.”

“Oh, cool”, the man said aloof. “So your friend there is a college student.” 

“He is.”

“Does he have any interest in becoming an idol?”

Yeonjun’s and Soobin’s eyes widened at the same time. “What would you say that, sir?”

“You may not know me, but I’m a recruiter for this company. People here saw him with you and even took pictures to send them to me, saying he had potential… you know, because of his looks. What is his name?”

“Uh, he is… His name is Choi Soobin.”

“Another Choi? Oh, third time’s a charm. It has to be… By the way, why hasn’t he come here yet? C’mon, young man!”

And Soobin did. “My apologies, sir”, he bowed.

“No apologies needed”, the man smiled. “Just tell me one thing: can you sing or dance?”

“He can definitely sing”, Yeonjun replied before his boyfriend could. “Soobin has a lovely voice.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that…”

“Either way, boy, you can always practice. Here, take my card. I _will_ wait for your call, though not for long. These guys up here are pretty impatient.” The man stepped away from the door. “And remember: this is the chance of a lifetime. I wouldn’t waste it if I were you.”

“I—”

“Bye, boys.”

Disconcerted, the two of them stayed in the same position for a couple of seconds. Or maybe some more.

“What just happened?” Soobin asked.

“I have no idea”, Yeonjun said, then smiled at him. “But he _is_ waiting for your call.”

“Honey, this is too crazy.”

“It’s a chance!”

“Is it?”

“We can ask them if you’re still in doubt.”

“Ask who?”

“Well, aren’t you a tarot reader?”

Soobin did exactly the same as the first time. But now he had Yeonjun with him, so they sat on the floor ahead of the shuffling. And the concentration, of course, because they still had to focus on the question(s). _Is it? Is it an actual chance? Is the chance worth chasing?_

Having finished the shuffling, Soobin pulled out a card. He looked at it, stared at it. Unreadable. Didn’t say anything until Yeonjun took the card from his hand and saw it himself.

It was The Star. And it was upright. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Grace Duong (2018) Mystic Mondays Tarot, San Francisco, California 94107: Chronicle Books LLC.


End file.
